WHY AND HOW I KILLED MY DAD: CONCLUDING PART

On arrival at his Onitsha residence, I was greeted with neighbors who came to grieve with my family. One of them asked me, “Is it because of the birthday celebration?” I answered, YES, I killed him with the birthday event. He shuts his mouth.

The next day, more sympathizers were trooping in and discussion ensued. That was when I learnt there was a time when it was rumored that celebrating birthdays for the elderly send them to the grave. One said it was the birthday preparation that caused accidents that affected two of my family members. Chai!

And these are staunch Christians whom I was surprised believed such trash. I listed names of Octogenarian Nigerians whose birthdays were celebrated and didn’t die afterwards.

I barely attend funerals, but the following week I spent three days at a burial of a distant relative in the village to observe how burials are done.

While there, people were condoling with me on the death of Udesco, my dad. One young educated woman screamed at me, “Why the birthday?” Stating that immediately she saw that on social media, she knew the man would die. I listed those Octogenarian names and asked her, “Why are they still living after the family celebrated their 80th birthday?” She was silent.

I feel sorry how people have been brainwashed to believe such a scrap.None of these people were close to my dad to feel his health status but are all out shouting ‘birthday killed him’ from afar.

He could have died in 2022 if not the fast actions taken and God also delayed him to witness his wishes in life. Read part 1 and 2 to understand better.

Some others came to condole with me and after the normal greetings asked what am I preparing for them on that day? I told them I have done everything I could while he was alive, I will bury him decently, no flamboyant spending.

“Ah!, you mean you will not keep hot drinks for us”? They abused me that I shouldn’t try such.

“Don’t you know you should have been saving money for years knowing that you will be the one to bury your dad?”

“Thank your God, your father built a house before he died, if not, you and your siblings will build a house before the funeral”

“Don’t ever say you will not do burial carnival for him, I spent N32million to bury my own mother”

“If you don’t have the money, sell one of your cars and use the money to bury your father”

“I don’t drink Hero or Star, make sure that Heineken is available that day”

“O ga-ato be gi? Others have been doing it, so it will not be different when it gets to your turn. Please do not disgrace us”.

“It is not good to just bury him like that ka ndi hausa, without ceremony. Make a big noise, kill at least 15 cows, break records and if you don’t have the money, borrow. You will be surprised you will make a lot of money after the burial”.

I confided in one that I have a medical challenge I need to focus on for now. He said, “Your father’s burial should be your priority for now. After the burial, you can then take care of yourself.

”I heard more that I could not put up here but in each of their utterances, I gave them the reason why I shouldn’t fall for their belief or burial lifestyle.

All that they said might be good but they should not impose them on me as if they are traditions and must be done.

Listening to my brother listing what and what to spend money on, I developed a headache. I asked, “Are all these compulsory?” He said, is it because I don’t go to functions and see what people do. I hands off.

I heard about, ‘Akwa ogo” for the first time, that if we don’t do ‘entertainment’ to inform them that our father is late, they won’t come for the burial.

Some have asked, “Won’t you print and send invitation cards to your friends for the funeral?” Must one wait for a special invitation to attend a funeral?

We have drifted so much away from the true meaning of burying the dead. Because a family has so much wealth to squander on funerals like Obi Cubana and friends did, you now made it a tradition that everyone should do the same or something similar.

I know of a man not well taken care of while he was sick. When he died, the family said their papa must ride in a Jeep, so they borrowed money to contract Apams to do the usual funfair they do with a casket.

I rather use the money for the burial carnival or funfair to offset hospital bills of a discharged patient at the government hospital or support a startup whose enterprise is solving a problem in the society.

Ada Africa invests in the living not on the dead. I haven’t said you should do like me and don’t impose your own style on me either.

Let me conclude with this quote, “Let’s learn how to take care of our loved ones when they are alive and not waste money when they are dead.” - Anambra State Burial Law. The law that is only existing on paper.

Let Peace Reign!

©Udegboka, Nkechi Tessie (Ada Africa)

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